Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot
by NACGames
Summary: Tales of Symphonia, with a screwed plot. Rated T just to be safe, and for possible later swears. My first fic!
1. The Beginning of the Screwing

Tales of Symphonia-Screwing the Plot

TOS with a massively screwed plot.

I do not own the rights to TOS. But I do own the crap that is about to ensue.

Chapter 1: The Beginning of the Screwing

"Lloyd... Lloyd Irving, wake up!"

Lloyd woke up, just in time to see the eraser flying across the room at him.

"AHH! GUARDIAN!"

Lloyd's Guardian technique allowed him to block the eraser before it hit.

"Professor, that was a form of attempted child abuse! Prepare to die!"

He ran across several desks to the front of the class, but Raine just kicked him in the crotch.

"Ow... jerk..."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!"

"Nothing..."

"Good... now, today is the Day of Prophecy. I'm too lazy to explain anything else, so we'll just send Colette to the temple."

"But don't I have to wait for the Oracl-" whined Colette.

"SHUT UP! NOBODY QUESTIONS MY AUTHORITY!"

Lloyd stared. "Are you sure we should send her on her own? HER!"

"Meh, she'll be fin- Lloyd, how did you learn Guardian so early?"

"Uhhh..."

"Well, I'm off to receive the Oracle!" Colette skipped away... making a direct beeline for the temple and crashing through everything in a straight line.

"You really sure, Professor?"

"DO NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!"

_Meanwhile..._

Location: Martel Temple

Colette is seen having a tea party with a slime and a spider.

" Hmm? More Earl Grey for the slimey-wimey?"

"That's it, I'm going! Colette's too... Colette-y to go by herself!"

Genis, about to say his first line, stood up proudly, crossed his heart with his right palm, and gallantly announced, "...I'm going too."

Yeh. Anyways, they went to chase after Colette.

Location: Outside Martel Temple

Lloyd and Genis run to the top of the staircase and encounter 3 pastors whooping the Renegades' butts. Vidarr is lying dead on the ground, and Botta is sweatdropping massively. Our heroes whistle innocently and walk into the temple. Waiting for them is Kratos.

"I've been expeeeeecting you," he said eerily, twisting his smile and doing that Mr. Burns hand thing.

Lloyd did the ... thing and said, "You know, Dad, you were never this creepy when I saw you last."

"OMG! YOU KNEW!"

"Yeah, well, you do have that wristband on that says "Proud to be Lloyd's Dad", along with those "Lloyd's Dad" buttons on your shirt, and..."

"Alright, I get the point. But you do understand, you just screwed the plot, right?"

"Meh."

"Alright, let's go," Genis gallantly announced.

"STOP GALLANTLY ANNOUNCING THINGS!"

Location: Martel Temple

Our three heroes traveled into the temple and saw Colette having her tea party. Kratos runs up to her "guests" and performs Sonic Thrust.

"Never had a chance."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAH!" cried Colette. "YOU KILLED MR. 8-LEGS AND SLIMEY-WIMEY!"

Yeh, again.

"Colette, we're supposed to see the Oracle."

"Eh. Screw the world."

Genis nodded. "I probably would have said that too, knowing that the regeneration is false and the Cruxis is a lie, merely plotting to bring some sicko's dead sister back to life by utilizing the Chosen thanks to her similarity in mana signature."

Colette stared vacantly. "I just said that cause I'm lazy."

Kratos coughed suspiciously, but no one noticed.

Lloyd stared vacantly as well. "Genis, how did you know that?"

Genis shrugged. "Third playthrough."

Everyone else nodded understandingly, and they busted down the door to the top floor of the temple.

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Once they reached the top, they saw a bright light coming down from the ceiling.

"Look at that light!" Genis explained.

It came down and turned out to be a disco ball.

Then Remiel came down.

"Crap... I'm late, aren't I? Oh, well, here goes. I am Remiel! I am an angel of Judgment..."

Beams of light rained down from the ceiling and killed Lloyd, Genis and Colette.

"Crap... Kratos... Life Bottles."

Kratos sighed and healed them all.

"All right. I am Remiel. I am an angel of Holylance... I mean holiness...dammit."

A light square appeared and the party was struck with Holy Lance.

Kratos healed them again.

"All right, skip all that. We of Cruxis will grant you the power of the angel-"

"Feathers," muttered Kratos.

"SHUT UP!" cried Remiel as Angel Feathers shot out of his body and killed them all.

Kratos healed them all again.

"Kratos, you suck, you know that?"

"I try."

"All right. We of Cruxis bless this event, and best-"

Beast shoots out of his palms and knocks everyone out.

"WTF? I don't even have that tech!"

_Meanwhile..._

Yggdrasill is on his computer in Derris-Kharlan, hacking into TOS.

"HA! Lord Remiel now has Beast. No one can stand up to him now!

"Screw it. Here, take the Cruxis Crystal."

Remiel gives the Cruxis Crystal to Colette. Colette then drops and breaks it.

"DAMMIT! Now you can't merge with Martel so some sicko's dead sister can come back to life by utilizing the Chosen thanks to her similarity in mana signature!"

"Kratos, you suck, you know that?"

"I had nothing to do with it that time..."

"PUNISHMENT! PHOTON!"

Kratos didn't have time to put Guardian up, so Photon hit him and he died.

Lloyd looked up at Remiel and drew his swords. "My name is Lloyd Irving. You killed my father. Prepare to die!"

Kvar randomly entered the top floor. "Now, now... I'm not the one who killed your mother. You father was... Oh crap, you said killed my FATHER, didn't you?"

Lloyd stared. "Wait, you," points at Kvar, "killed my mom. And you," points at Remiel, "killed my dad?"

Kvar and Remiel looked at each other, then shrugged. "Meh."

Lloyd shrugged too. "Yeah, whatever. Let's PARTY!"

Kvar used Lightning on the Disco Ball and let it shine, while Remiel set up a bar and handed out fake IDs and beers to everyone. Then Kvar died of alcohol poisoning.

"Mom... beer avenged you..."

Lloyd acquired "Disco Fang!"

Lloyd acquired "Sonic Strut!"

Colette acquired "Ray Strut!"

Genis acquired "Disco Ball!"

Lloyd earned the title "Dancing Swordsman!"

Lloyd got a Heineken Gel!

END OF CHAPTER 1!

My first fic, so read, review, flame if you must. Suggestions are welcome.


	2. The Plot Twist of Iselia

Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Alright, here's chapter two. Once again, TOS belongs to Namco, not me. And sorry for the lack of separations, it crapped up in the Manager. Meh, I'm new. Cut me some slack.

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Chapter 2: The Plot Twist of Iselia

Lloyd, Genis and Colette left the top floor of the temple (now a bar) and decided to go back to Iselia. Then they headed for Colette's house, where they saw the Mayor, Phaidra and Frank.

"Oh, Chosen One, welcome home. Lloyd, thank you fo—hey, wait, you didn't do anything! The pastors whooped those Renegades' butts! You suck!" screamed Phaidra.

"Wh-wh---WHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Lloyd cried and ran back to his house.

"Wait, I'm going with you halfway so I can illegally trespass on Desian property!" cried Genis.

The two left the house.

Frank and the Mayor fired stone gazes at Phaidra, who cautiously backed off to her room. Colette went outside to console the two, but instead of seeing them, she saw Forcystus enter the town.

"What the hell! What's going on?" she demanded.

"Lord Forcystus has decided to bring judgment upon this village because it has broken the non-aggression treaty!" announced Desian #5561.

"What? You mean the one where you don't attack the village as long as we send the required amount of cookies to the ranch every month?"

"Yeah. And since Lord Forcystus' blood sugar seems to be running low, we have decided to prepare an appropriate opponent for this crime."

Forcystus is seen walking in, dragging Magnius on a leash.

"HOOOOOOOWL! Lemme go! Lemme go!"

"Magnius, you are here to bring judgment upon this village, not exhaust my cookie supply!"

Colette pointed an accusing finger. "HA! We haven't broken the treaty! You just let your dog eat all the cookies!"

Forcystus stared, dumbstruck, at Colette's rare stroke of genius. "Well... yeah, you see... the thing about that is... MAGNIUS, ATTACK!"

Magnius chased Colette down. Colette, learning well from the Professor, kicked him in the crotch. Magnius whimpered, and fell over, dead.

Forcystus sweatdropped. His only GOOD fighter had been beaten. By Colette.

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_Meanwhile..._

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Location: Iselia Human Ranch

"Hmm, where are all the Desians?" asked Lloyd.

"I don't know, but here's our chance. Let's take the prisoners to Dirk's and let him carve Key Crests into all of their Exspheres."

"Wait, how do you know about the Exsph--"

"Third playthrough."

He nodded and helped Genis help the captives escape.

"Alright, let's get out of here quickly."

"I don't think so."

They turned around to see Lord Yggdrasill in a disco costume.

"Lloyd Irving, for killing my disco partners Remiel and Kvar, you will pay!"

"I didn't kill them... beer did."

Yggdrasill did that Lloyd movement. You know, where he waves his hand across his body and shakes his head. "Liar!"

"Now, now... when Remiel set up a bar, he and Kvar got alcohol poisoning, and beer killed them. Pathetic, don't you think?"

A random beer bottle jumped (yes, jumped) out of Yggdrasill's pocket and yelled at Lloyd. "Do not speak ill of the dead!"

Lloyd did the ... thing again and said, "All I wanted... was a world without discrimination."

Genis gave him the "are you stupid" look and said, "Lloyd, all you wanted was to meet and ogle that chick on the Sun Maid Raisin box."

"Sh-shut up!"

Yggdrasill shook his head. "Lloyd, the path you seek is nothing but an illusion."

Lloyd shook his head this time. "No, it's not. Look over there."

Yggdrasill looked over at the path Lloyd was pointing to. He saw a small road sign, reading "The path that Lloyd seeks, a world without discrimination, where the Sun Maid Raisin box chick is a reality. Turn left on second intersection."

Yggdrasill stared like this O.O. "...Well I'll be damned."

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Location: Iselia

After a while, the entire Desian ranch team lay dead on the ground in Iselia. Yes, Colette had beaten them all up. Except Forcystus. He lay tortured on ground as Colette repeatedly kicked him in the side.

"Feel the pain-" KICK "-of those inferior beings-" KICK "-as you burn in that unmentionable place." HARD KICK. Forcystus died there, conveniently rolling into a grave quoting, "Forcystus No-Last-Name, the guy that wasn't supposed to die until the end of Disc 1 but ended up getting caught in the events that led to a screwed-up plot."

Then Kratos, presumably alive because a Life Bottle had rolled against his lips, came running into the village. "What have you done! Thanks to you, the Desians cannot stimulate fear into your Cruxis Crystal, which in turn will not have the power to bring some sicko's 4000 year old dead sister back to life thanks to your similarity in mana signature!"

Colette stared. "I broke that crystal back at the temple."

Kratos shrugged. "Oh, yeah. Screw it. PARTAY!"

Genis, Lloyd and Yggdrasill, after saving the captives (and getting Dirk hitched with Marble) came back into the village and began to disco all over again. Then Genis and Lloyd got tipsy and accidentally destroyed the village.

The Mayor, the next morning, after his incredulously long hangover, banished Genis and Lloyd from Iselia.

Kratos stared hard at him. "You just threw your life away, you know that?"

Kratos earned the title of "Condescending Father!"

Kratos acquired "Double Disco Fang!"

Kratos acquired "Hurricane Strut!"

Lloyd earned the title of "Drifting Disco Boy!"

Lloyd got 2 Heineken Gels, 2 Molson Gels and a copy of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!"

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END OF CHAPTER 2

I know, not that great. I know I did this before most people got a good look at the chappie, so just bear with me, review and flame if you must.


	3. The Screwed Base and Maybe More

Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Thanks for the great reviews. I know the first chappie wasn't so funny, so I worked hard on the second one. As a note, I have never seen the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I just thought it fit in with the randomness. Oh, yeah, I own nothing. Not even TOS.

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Chapter 3: The Screwed Base and Maybe More

The group decided, after Lloyd and Genis were banished from Iselia, to head to Triet for no apparent reason, other than it was the only place they really could go. Lloyd nearly collapsed from severe heat stroke and poisonous wounds on his sides and would have died had it not been for Heineken Gels to keep him drunk and alive.

"Lloyd, it's great that you're using items, but... how about something without alcohol? You know, Apple Gels? Like normal people eat?" Kratos looked at his son disapprovingly.

"NO! Theesh gelsh makesh me feelsh gooooood!"

Kratos sighed. "You always start out overenthusiastic, then get bored, become tired, and are finally forced to become a psycho drunkard, in turn allowing you to become enthusiastic again. Stupid vicious circle."

While Kratos carried Lloyd over his shoulder, Genis was keeping himself cool with Icicle, and Colette was kicking poor, innocent scorpions in the crotch.

This trip was fairly uneventful until they reached Triet. They dropped Lloyd off and prepared a strategy to reach the ruins. Genis suggested that they get themselves caught by the Renegades so they could forge an alliance with them, then backstab them and use their technology to blow up the altar.

Colette shrugged. "Meh. Like I said, screw the world."

So they agreed to stay the night in Triet. In the morning, Colette gave Lloyd his hangover pills, and they were off.

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Location: Sylvarant Base

The four heroes walked into the base (after Kratos violently kicked the door down) and, since the actual entrance is so close to the office, headed straight into the room with the Gamecube and the electrical pillars. Lloyd began to play on the Gamecube.

"Cool! Look, it's a game about us!" Lloyd exclaimed excitedly as he began to play Tales of Symphonia.

Genis began to read the thing on the Cycle Lock system. Then he realized that Kratos could just kick the door down. So he did. And they went into Yuan's office.

Kratos silently tiptoed into the office and placed a Whoopie Cushion onto Yuan's seat. When he came in from the back room, he gasped. "Kratos J. Aurion! And your son! What the hell are you doing here!"

"J? What does the J stand for?" asked Lloyd.

Yuan smirked. "It stands for-"

Kratos paled. "Yuan, NO!"

"-Jay."

Kratos fainted.

"Ha, that'll show him," triumphantly exclaimed Yuan as he sat down. Onto the Whoopie Cushion.

Kratos leapt up from his fake unconscious state and chuckled. "Gotcha."

Colette looked at the Whoopie Cushion quizzically. "Kratos, what's that thing?"

"It's a Whoopie Cushion, a product of magitechnology. Used to embarrass the target."

Yuan was enraged. "Kratos... after all those 4000 years..."

Kratos smirked. "Well at least Kratos J. Aurion isn't as bad as Yuan R. McGregor."

Genis stared. "McGregor? Your name is Yuan McGregor! HAHA!"

Colette started, "Ooh, ooh, does the R stand for Rambo?"

Kratos smiled. "Yes, it does, actually."

Yuan fainted.

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Location: Triet Ruins

Yuan felt like he had just experienced a hangover (surprise, surprise) as he woke up outside the Triet Ruins. He saw the four heroes, plus Raine standing over him. Raine was poking him with a stick.

"Ugh... where am I-"

"IT TALKS!" screamed Raine, jumping into Kratos' arms. Kratos sweatdropped and dropped her.

"Oooooooooh, look at this stone slab! It looks cool and sexy!"

Everyone began to back away.

Raine earned the title of "Freaky Grandma!"

"Is she always like this?" asked Kratos.

"Usually worse... much worse," replied Genis.

Raine earned the title of "Very Freaky Grandma!"

"WTF, Raine, let's just go inside," said Lloyd as he slashed open the slab.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! Lloyd, do you realize what you have done? As long as you have that Exsphere, we will always hunt you down. ALWAYS!"

Raine then took black face paint and put little black strokes on her cheeks.

"The hunt is on."

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While Raine and Lloyd were busy outside the ruins, Yuan led the way into the deepest chamber of the ancient city. Kratos and Yuan flew their companions to the top (hey, it's easier than the other way, isn't it?), they saved inside the freakish white circle, and went in. Meanwhile, Yuan and Kratos discussed the current situation.

"Wait, you want me to call the Renegades to bomb the altar?" asked Yuan.

"Yeh."

"Kay."

Yuan took out his magic Renegade Whistle and blew 88 times.

Genis groaned. "Why'd you do it 88 times?"

"Cause' 88 is special! It's the number of keys on a standard piano!"

Everyone cautiously backed away from Yuan. The Renegades soon hovered above on Rheairds and bombed the altar. Then, from the ashes of the fallen structure... came a hand. And then the arm. And then the other one. And then the body. Oh, wait, the head comes first, doesn't it? Screw it. It was Remiel.

"YAAAAHHHH! The EVIL ONE has come!" cried Kratos, running around like a maniac and screaming "doom" every 3.446 seconds.

"Colette, my daughter..."

"What, you're my daddy?"

Genis pleaded. "No, don't trust him! He's trying to lure you with lies to seduce you into becoming Martel's vessel!"

Remiel sweatdropped. "I wanted to invite her to a disco party on Derris-Kharlan on Saturday night, but since you interfered, I will have to bring Judgment-"

Beams of light rained down, but missed everyone.

"HA! You suck!"

"Shut up, shorty."

While Remiel and Genis argued, Colette periodically poked Remiel. That's right, poked. Poke. Poke. Poke. Po—

"WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Colette cried and smashed a chair over his head. Wait, chair? Nevermind.

Colette then proceeded to kick him repeatedly until he gave her her wings and the special Angel skill Angel Feathers. He then left with the Disco Ball he loves so much.

"Dammit, why does he give her angel powers when he knows that we're trying to screw the world?"

Colette earned the title of "Dischosen!"

Lloyd earned the title of "The Hunted!"

Raine earned the title of "The Hunter!"

Genis earned the title of "I'm Young and Innocent and Shouldn't Be Exposed To Hunting!"

Kratos acquired "Second Aid!"

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END OF CHAPTER 3

Yeah. Read, review, flame, whatever you want. I know it wasn't that great.


	4. Teh Ossa Trail and Many Mysteries

Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Hey, thanks for the great reviews, it's my first fic, so I didn't think that I'd get such positive results. Here's the next chapter.

I do not own TOS.

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Chapter 4: Teh Ossa Trail snd Many Mysteries

When the five heroes (plus Yuan) left what was left of the Triet Ruins, Colette suddenly collapsed.

"Colette! Oh, no, it's my fault... I did somethin- no, wait, I didn't do anything. HAHA! SUCKER!" Raine then slapped Genis.

"I believe she is suffering from some sort of disease that, with lack of a true diagnosis, will call Angel Toxicosis."

Kratos sighed. "Or she might have been hit with a tranquilizer."

Everyone then shot a glance at Yuan, who was suspiciously holding something behind his back, whistling innocently and casually flying backwards (yes, backwards) to the Sylvarant Base.

"Colette, are you okay?"

Colette growled.

Everyone backed off.

Colette earned the title of "Guard Dog!"

Lloyd sighed. "Alright, let's set up camp here in the area by the ruins that, when night comes, becomes a semi-fertile beach with lots of open space for no apparent reason."

Genis pondered over this for a moment. Since he was on his third playthrough, he began to wonder, "Just how _does _that open space appear every time we release a seal? And where does that semi-apparent caravan come from?"

Anyways, lo and behold, the area by the ruins became a semi-fertile beach with lots of open space for no apparent reason.

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Lloyd was sitting down by the campfire, bored as usual. He suddenly had an idea.

"Hey, I'll go walk around and talk to everybody in an attempt to raise my affection for them... except Raine..."

Lloyd then regretted the idea after two steps, and turned back. Then he started a game of Jenga with Noishe, in which he lost badly. Then he talked to Colette.

"Hey, do you want to go for a walk?"

"Sure," replied Colette. "Yes I do, just not with you... Doncha know I still beli-"

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" everybody screamed and covered their ears as Colette began to sing. Badly.

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Location: Triet Desert

"Alright," said Raine. "Since we can't go anywhere else but to the Ossa Trail without backtracking, where do you suppose we go, Lloyd?"

"Uh... wait, I got it... no... dammit! Why is this so hard?"

Raine sighed. "And I thought I had finally given you a question worthy of your knowledge. Alright then. Since we are heading in the direction of the Ossa Trail, and are about to enter it, _where should we go now?_"

"Uh... give me a few minutes... GAH! I can't think!"

Raine slapped her forehead. "Forget it."

The other four entered the trail while Lloyd tried to answer Raine's diabolically tricky question.

"Umm... Triet? No... Izoold? Oh! I know! Um... Meltokio?"

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Location: Ossa Trail

Raine, Genis, Kratos and Colette entered the Ossa Trail, when suddenly Sheena appeared from the cliffside.

"STOP!" she shouted, then jumped off the cliff and broke both her legs.

"Dammit... I knew I should have worn my moon shoes..."

Everyone cautiously passed by the other side of the trail.

Then Lloyd, having given up on the question, suddenly saw Sheena. He took pity on her, bandaging her wounds and pouring on oil and wine. He put her on his Arshis, took her to Triet Inn and took care of her. The next day he took out two hundred gald and gave them to the innkeeper. "Look after her," he said, "and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have."

The next day, Sheena's legs became fine again, because somehow, sleeping cures all wounds, including death. She shot the innkeeper and left to find true love... I mean, to kill the Chosen.

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Lloyd managed to catch up with the group in Izoold, who was looking for a boat.

"So, where now? Palmacosta?"

"Actually," replied Genis. "Thanks to the magic of multiple playthroughs and my infinite wealth of knowledge, since breaking the seals would put Tethe'alla in decline, we're going to go straight to the Tower of Salvation and beat up Remiel and Kratos."

Kratos got down on his knees and begged. "PLEASE, don't beat me up! I have a reputation, you know!"

Raine sighed. "Fine. But you can't betray us this time. After all, we know who you are, and you come back to us anyways at the end of disc 2, so better off not to try and fool us."

Kratos paled and fainted again.

"Alright, let's go beat up Max until he gives us his boat!"

Turns out they didn't have to, since Lyla was already at the dock, beating the living snot out of him. The whole town watched as he... nevermind. Long story short, Max lost confidence as a man, Colette shoved him into the water, and Kratos steered the ship to the island where the Tower of Salvation lay.

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Location: Tower of Salvation

The group headed up the staircase into the Tower of Salvation. Since the path was not supposed to be open, Kratos kicked the door down and they kept going. Once they reached the main chamber, they saw Remiel, shocked.

"Bu-bu-but... You haven't released the seals yet..."

"Screw those, we're taking you down right now!" said Lloyd. "Disco Fang!"

As soon as Remiel was stunned, Kratos ran up to him and stabbed him. "Feel the pain-" SLASH "-of those inferior beings-" SLASH "-as you burn... Burn, baby, burn! Disco Inferno!"

Suddenly, a pile of molten lava appeared and swallowed Remiel, and left in his place... the Bee Gees.

"Yo gotta defeat us now!"

The party got mysteriously owned, but the Renegades came and saved them from an untimely demise.

The leader of the Bee Gees, Maurice Yggdrasill, screamed out in falsetto, "Yo Renegades, freakin' annoying as eva! Oh, well."

They continued their disco party inside the Tower of Salvation until the break of dawn.

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END OF CHAPTER 4

That was kind of stupid and random, but I hope you like. Remember, read, review, flame if you must, and I do not own TOS, the Bee Gees or those songs.


	5. Screwing up Tethe'alla

Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Hey, I'm back, and yes, I skipped over a ton of the game right there. Oh, well, Magnius and Kvar are already dead. XD Anywho, I don't own TOS (not the rights to it, anyways) or any disco-related stuff.

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Chapter 5: Screwing up Tethe'alla

When our five heroes woke up, they were in the Sylvarant Base. After Lloyd, the last one to get up, got up, he looked around him.

"Lloyd, do you remember this place?" asked Raine.

"Yeah, I played my Gamecube here," he replied, grinning like an idiot.

Raine sighed and muttered something about him being hopelessly hopeless.

"So this is a Desian base, right?"

"Hell no, it's a Renegade base!" retorted Genis.

"Powerade what?"

Kratos gave him a sleeper hold so he would shut up, and the others headed into Yuan's office.

"Ah, perfect timing," said Botta. "Lord McGregor-"

"YUAN!" came a voice from the back room.

"Yes, Lord Yuan needs to speak to you."

They walked in, and an attractive young Renegade woman (where'd she come from?) popped out from the shadows. She wore a daisy over her heart.

"Hello, Kratos."

"Uh, hello mis- WHAAAH!" he shouted as the daisy shot a compound of vinegar and soap into his eyes.

"HA! Gotcha back!" said Yuan, as he took off the female outfit and redid his hair.

"Wh-what the! And I actually thought you were ATTRACTIVE in that outfit! GAH! Bad thoughts, bad thoughts-"

Raine gave him a sleeper hold so he would shut up, and the other three engaged in conversation with Yuan and Botta over tea and crumpets.

"Pip pip, I say," said Botta. "Do you chaps know of a place known as the great Tetha'alla?"

"No, carry on. I would _so _like to hear about this place. After all, after traveling Sylvarant, this place has become _awfully _dreary," said Raine.

"SHUT UP!" said Yuan. "Alright. Here's what it is. Sylvarant lies entwined to another world known as Tethe'alla, as piss is to crap."

Everyone stared like this O.o.

"Kay, bad example. More like... shadow is to light."

"Keep going..." said Colette, cautiously taking down notes, tensing herself for the moment that Botta would declare a pop quiz on all of this.

"Anyway, the two worlds can't see or touch each other, but they do in fact exist and affect one another. Sort of like my ovaries an-"

"WE GET THE PICTURE!" shouted everyone, in an attempt to get away from Yuan's biological lessons.

Genis was now curled up in the fetal position, officially scared of Yuan.

"Gee, sorry Genis. Here guys, we'll let you borrow our state-of-the-art, masterfully crafted, flawlessly designed, mana-powered Pee-airds!"

Everyone stared at him again like this O.o.

"That's right! Power them up with the mana concentrated in the pi-"

"WHAAAAAAH!" cried Genis, once again in the fetal position.

"Alright, alright, sheesh, if you don't want a lesson, I'll just go charge them up for you."

While Yuan went to go "charge" up the Pee-airds, Raine looked at him hopelessly.

"I'm not going to get on whatever he has in mind. I say we go jack the Rheairds from the central station. Who's with me?" Raine gallantly asked.

"WE ARE!" screamed Lloyd and Kratos, who seemed to wake up at the mention of traveling on vehicles powered by piss (henceforth known as PBP.)

Genis and Colette decided to follow along for the heck of it.

"Wait, old chaps, you can't do that, that's robbery of innocent civilians!" screamed Botta. "Have mercy, oh sexy Raine!"

Raine stared at him with a sick look on her face before she pulled out her 9mm pistol and pistol-whipped him into unconsciousness.

"This is getting really screwed up. Let's get out of here."

So the five heroes escaped to where the Rheairds lay.

Then Yuan came back.

"Hey, I just powered them up with the mana concentrated in the pie made of apples! Anyone want to- hey! Where is everybody?"

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Location: Rheaird Chamber

"Lloyd, I'm opening the hatch. Get on the Rheairds, quickly!" shouted Raine.

"Alright... Tethe'alla, here we come!"

Nothing happened.

Raine walked over. "Let me handle this." She began to violently kick the Rheaird. "Get a move on you stupid Rheaird! Yeah, you heard me! How does it feel now- KICK –you ! Not so good, I bet, you ! HA!"

The Rheairds immediately leapt into action, leaving Raine behind.

"He-hey! Wait for me!"

Then Yuan walked in.

"_There _you are!"

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Location: Ozette

"Kratos, why are you taking us all the way over here? It's so frickin' far!" whined Lloyd.

"Shut it, boy. Would you rather walk?"

Lloyd immediately shut up.

"But, seriously, why here?" asked Genis.

"Well, I thought the nice, quiet solitude and peacefulness of the setting with a background of rays of light streaming through a canopy of shrouding trees and shrubs would be an excellent place to reveal my super secret identity," he said, smirking.

"You mean that you're a Cruxis angel?"

"Quiet, boy! Let me have my fun! Ahem. I am Kratos Aurion. I am of Cruxis, the organization that guides the disco beat of these two worlds. I am of the four Seraphim, sent to keep close watch on th- HEY! Aren't you going to listen to my cool speech?"

"No."

"Fine. Then I shall cast Judgment upon this city. 'Sacred powers, cast your purifying light upon these corrupt souls. Rest in peace, sinners! J-"

Poke.

"Ow, what was that for? Now I have to start again! 'Sacred powers, cast your purifying light upon these corrupt so-"

Poke.

"Hey, stop poking me, Lloyd! 'Sacred po-"

Poke.

Kratos began to twitch violently, and Genis and Colette began to back away. "Lloyd, do NOT poke your father."

Poke.

Lloyd died that day.

Not really, though. He just got beaten up really badly.

"Well, I guess that makes up for the fact that I didn't get to PWN you in the Tower of Salvation."

"Shut up."

Presea and Regal randomly appeared and took Lloyd off on a stretcher.

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END OF CHAPTER 5

O.O Yes, that was a little more suggestive than the others. Hence the rating. More randomness is on the way if you like (which so far you do) so read, review, flame, do what you must.


	6. Meet Rodyle the Rappin' Chicken!

Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Hey, thanks for more great reviews! This is the next chapter, so remember, I don't own any of it.

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Chapter 6: Meet Rodyle the Rappin' Chicken!

While Lloyd was being taken to Meltokio to the inn in Ozette (remember, sleep cures all wounds), the other three heroes were anxiously awaiting the coming of Raine.

"I wonder what's taking her so long," wondered Genis aloud.

"Oh, I know," said Colette. "Maybe Yuan caught her and forced her to-"

"No, NO! Don't even make me think about it!"

"-watch his soaps with him."

"AHHHH! How could he DO SUCH A THING!"

Then Raine flew by on a Rheaird-looking thing that let off a delightful oven-baked smell of apple pie.

"Raine, where were you!" asked Lloyd.

"Yuan let me borrow his Pee-aird."

"What! Didn't he piss-charge that thing?"

"Nope. Thanks to apple pie, no urine was required!"

Everyone let their jaws drop in disbelief.

Kratos regained his composure. "Alright, if there's one thing we should do, it's defeat the other Desian Grand Cardinals."

"Why?" asked Lloyd, randomly reappearing.

"Why? WHY? Stupid kid, they are a frickin' THREAT to this frickin' WORLD! Use your head or something!"

Lloyd began sobbing uncontrollably and ran back to whence he came.

Yeh. Anyway...

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Location: Remote Island Human Ranch

? shook his head. "No, no, this will never do. Those so-called heroes need a REAL treat when they arrive. HahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Lord Rodyle, plans are running smoothly."

"Shut up, moron!" snapped Rodyle. "You just ruined my secret, mysterious identity otherwise known as !"

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Location: Altamira, the Seaside Disco Club

Genis sighed. "Why are we here, now?"

Kratos coughed. "We're here to see my long lost Scandinavian brother."

Zelos suddenly ran in with a Viking helmet and a broadsword. "Alright, let's go and beat up some Desians!"

Everyone backed away from Zelos.

"Fine, fine, I'll lose the hat."

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Location: Otherworldly Gate

Raine was buried deep in a book of research. "According to this book, we should be able to return to Sylvarant via the Otherworldly Gate, where we now stand, thanks to its bipolarity with Sylvarant."

Kratos coughed loudly. "We _do _have the Rheairds."

"Yeah, but this is cooler. Besides, it only opens when we suddenly gain the ability to enter, which is approximately at the beginning of the final tier of the first disc."

Colette pondered. "Yeah, how come the night of the full moon is whatever night it is when we talk to that guy in the Lezareno building?"

"Who cares?"

Then Sheena walked over. "Yo, homies."

Presea flew overhead in a Rheaird, dropped down into the gate, and began to break dance with Sheena. Then Regal came in and started to do the coffee grinder. While this was going on, Lloyd randomly reappeared again, and began to rap.

Zelos smiled. "Sheena's so hot when she break dances."

At the end of the dance, everyone bowed, and Sheena, Presea and Regal joined the party. Wahoo.

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Location: Palmacosta Ranch

The eightsome headed into the Palmacosta Ranch, which was mysteriously connected to Rodyle's ranch.

"Alright, this is the entrance. If we enter here and keep going straight, we should eventually reach the top floor, where Rodyle lies," said Kratos.

"Heck, no, let's just fly to the top," said Zelos, as he, Kratos, Colette and Lloyd flew to the top. Then Lloyd pushed Colette over the edge, and flew Raine to the top, because they would need a healer in the upcoming battle.

"Alright then???, here we come!"

Rodyle appeared. "I've been expeeeeecting you. I am Rodyle N. Dread, the most cu- what's so funny?" he demanded.

"You-you're a chicken!" laughed Zelos.

"I am NOT! I am Rodyle N. Dread... oh, wait... Rodlye N. Dread... Rhode Island Red... damn you, mother, for giving me such a terrible name! No wonder nobody liked me and I was forced to work as a mad scientist every day of my pathetic adult life! CURSE YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Rodyle's mother randomly teleported into the room (she must be HECKA old) and slapped him. "You will NOT curse you mother, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

And she left from whence she came.

"Yeah... anyways, like I was saying... DOUBLE DISCO FANG!" yelled Zelos.

Rodyle staggered under the blows. "AGH! You idiot! Do you realize what you have done? You just hit me! Hit me with a funky beat that is..."

Rodyle began to rap:

_Yo yo yo yo, _

_Yo yo yo yo,_

_Can you move like Rodyle,_

_The chicken man?_

_He looks like a turtle_

_And moves like it can!_

_He's got the Mana Cannon_

_In his underground lair,_

_He's a sexy beast_

_And his underwear's got flair!_

_Rodyle, Rodyle, hiiit me with the funky beat!_

_Rodyle, Rodyle, hiiit me with the funky beat!_

Rodyle did a triple backflip, and bowed to his audience. Lloyd, Zelos, Kratos and Raine applauded, truly amazed by Rodyle's ability to rap. Kratos then proceeded to kick his butt, killing him in the process.

"Old rappin' grampas deserve no mercy."

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END OF CHAPTER 6

Yes, Rodyle just rapped. So... read, review, flame if you must.


	7. That's Prony G, Foo'

Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Hey, here's the next chappie. I hope the utter randomness will climax here (yes, sadly, thanks to my skipping over half the game, this fic is hitting the tail end of its lifespan) So, without further ado, I own nothing.

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Chapter 7: That's Prony G, Foo'

After kicking Rodyle's butt in his ranch, the group contemplated on their next and final step.

"If mathematics serve me correctly, there is a 100 percent chance that one Desian Grand Cardinal remains," Presea said.

"Yes," said Regal.

"Dude, if you're gonna say something, at least advance the plot."

"Retain your buccal cavity, Chosen, or I will be forced to restrict all movements made possible by nervous influxes."

Stupid Regal and his big words.

"Ahem, if I can suggest something, maybe we should go form pacts with all the Summon Spirits. You know, so the plot doesn't screw up so much more, and to put the world in danger," suggested Sheena.

"You know what, screw that," Kratos said, losing his sanity. "I say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it's broke, screw it. So we're screwing it."

The group nodded their assent, and headed towards the Tower of Salvation, where they prepared to destroy Cruxis' leader, Maurice Yggdrasill.

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Location: Tower of Salvation

As soon as the group entered the Tower of Salvation, Zelos nodded. "Okay, Colette come here for a sec."

"Okay," she replied. She walked over and slapped him while beating him to the ground. "That's right, I know your little plans! You should never have crossed us! You thought you could hide who you really were, but it's too late! Now it's all over!"

Zelos cried. "Alright, I admit, I wanted to take dancing lessons from Lord Yggdrasill! Don't kill me!"

Colette stared vacantly. "Oh, I thought you were transgendered. Hehe, oops."

Everyone just sighed for the hopeless Colette.

"Alright, let's keep going. To the hall of the Great Disco Club!" Kratos said gallantly.

"Dude, STOP GALLANTLY DOING STUFF!"

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Location: The Great Disco Club

Maurice Yggdrasill and his sister Robin were in the hall of the great Disco Club. Well, Robin was actually living on as a lifeless being inside a Cruxis Record. Then the nine heroes arrived, and Maurice looked royally pissed.

"Kratos, yo betray me! You foo' pissin' me off an' all!"

"What's he saying?" asked Lloyd.

"Dat's right, foos! Dis' Kratos guy used to be ma' homie!"

"What? Kratos, you used to dance with this guy?" asked Genis. "In that purple suit?"

"Heck, no! Purple is not for disco. This-" a bright light shone, and Kratos was now in his Judgment costume. "-is for disco."

Kratos earned the title of "Get Down Tonight!"

Kratos began to shimmy, along with Yggdrasill.

"Augh, dude, you know, I'm reeeeeeally glad I didn't actually take those lessons after seeing your moves just now," said Zelos, freaked out.

"Don't you be dissin' me, foo'! Yo Pron-y-ma! Take care of these foos!"

A punk voice shot out from the back room. "That be Prony G to you, foo'!"

Pronyma (henceforth known as "Prony G") came out in her punk outfit. "What you lookin' at?" she asked Lloyd.

"Dude, that doesn't look like a disco outfit."

"Disco? I rap! Watch!"

Pronyma began to rap:

_My name's Prony G and I rock the telly._

_I'm half Lord Yggy and a third Goth Hottie._

_I'm a kung fu hippie, from Derris-Kharlan!_

_I'm a rappin' surfer, you da' foo' I pity!_

Presea, unhappy with the fact that she had no personality, began to break into dance.

Presea earned the title of "WTF?"

"Yo dancin' SUCKS, foo'!" shouted Presea, spinning on her head.

"Erggh... I show you, my and my peeps beat you and yo' peeps any day!"

Prony G's "peeps" (Angel Swordians in afros and bell-bottom pants) began to break into dance with her.

Presea grabbed Regal, Zelos and Sheena. "C'mon, homies, we show dees foos how to dance! Fo'shizzle!"

Regal acquired "Crescent Moon!"

Sheena acquired "Disco Seal!"

Zelos acquired "Disco Inferno!"

Presea acquired "Eternal Discotation!"

"Now, ma homies, les put on a show for dees foos!"

Regal used Crescent Moon, kicking Prony G and mooning her, gauging her eyes out and doing enough damage to leave her with 1 HP at the end of the assault.

Presea attacked her peeps from up close, while Sheena and Zelos hit them from afar. Soon, Prony G and her peeps were outclassed.

"PWN'D!" shouted Presea.

"Maurice Yggdrasill... have mercy!" she cried.

He suddenly became alert. "Only my former disco partners may call me by that name!" He severely outdanced her, and she died of shame.

Suddenly a record came to life.

"Yes, she is REVIVING! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Robin Yggdrasill, Maurice's sister, appeared from the record for a brief second, flipped off Maurice, disappeared, and blew up the record from which she was imprisoned.

Maurice, looking genuinely hurt, stared at them long and hard. "I'll kill you all, foos!"

Regal looked around uneasily. "We did nothing to appease your anger, unless you add into that account the meager fact that we utterly destroyed the final threat to our worlds manifested in a Desian physical format."

Maurice got pissed off and used "Funkment" on the party, in which case several strobe lights appeared and blinded the party.

"HA! That'll show you! Now, if you'll excuse me..."

Maurice went into the back room, which secretly transformed into a dance floor. Seen are Yuan and Botta, who are sliding across the floor on their heads. Maurice flung the doors open, and a shiny aura surrounded him.

"Da King is in da hizz-ouse!"

They danced, got drunk, and Botta died of severe alcohol poisoning, sending him to AP hell with Kvar.

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Location: Alcohol Poisoning Hell

Kvar sat on his flaming stool boredly. "Dude, is there anything interesting we can do?"

Botta sighed. "Nope. This is all we've got. Now... got any threes?"

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END OF CHAPTER 7

Okay, I'm no expert on that kind of talk, so I guess it probably got a bit redundant. Ah, well. Read, review, flame if you must.


	8. Yggdrasill Has Left The Building!

Tales of Symphonia: Screwing the Plot

Hey, thanks for more great reviews. Here's the next chapter, and remember, I own nothing.

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Chapter 8: Yggdrasill Has Left the Building!

After being outdanced by Maurice and struck with Funkment, the party chased Yggdrasill into the back room.

"Dammit, where did he go?" asked Zelos.

"Beats me," replied his Scandinavian brother, Kratos, still shimmying.

"Dad, stop it, you're freaking me out..."

Raine observed Kratos' shimmying patterns. "I see... so when you bend your left shoulder, it forms a 44 degree angle, and your right shoulder forms a 47 degree angle. Fascinating..."

Regal spoke up. "It appears that a tunnel has been constructed, leading from this isolated chamber, through the ground, and into who-knows-where."

Sheena gasped. "Did you just say who-knows-where? Bu-but that's a...a-an expression! And it's not scientific!"

Regal suddenly clutched his heart. "No! How could I? What have I committed? What terrible deed has become a reality in gratuity to myself? WHY, WHY, WHY? I must wear a second pair of handcuffs to symbolize this next crime."

Presea, fed up with Regal, beat him to the ground and threw him off the edge of the cliff-thing.

"Alright, let us crawl through the tunnel."

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Location: Graceland

The heroes appeared in a large building. Little did they know that they had been brought to the house of Maurice's hero, Elvis Presley.

"Alright, search for Maurice," said Kratos.

Everyone split up to search for the leader of Cruxis.

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Zelos was running down a hall when he suddenly hit Elvis Presley.

"Ow! Who the hell are you?" he asked.

"Who am I? I'm the KING! ELVIS PRESLEY!"

He pulled a microphone out of the ground.

_Well it's one for the money,_

_Two for the show,_

_Three to get ready,_

_Now go, cat, go!_

_But don't you,_

_Step on my blue suede sh-_

Zelos interrupted. "I believe a fan of yours came in here. Do you want to meet him?"

"HECK, YEAH!" Elvis joined the party, and began singing "Trouble."

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Maurice Yggdrasill was hiding in the room where all of Elvis' records were kept.

"Damn... so many Cruxis Records... so many human lives... I really am a monster, aren't I? Well, I'm changing my ways! I'm going to set all of you free!"

Yes, he then broke all of Elvis' records. Zelos and Elvis walked in, petrified at what Maurice had done.

Elvis flipped and cussed him out, and then beat him to the ground.

Elvis earned the title of "Violent Demonic Dance-Guy!"

Elvis acquired "Demon Thang!"

Yeah. Anyways...

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Location: The Great Disco Club

The now tensome headed back to the chamber of the Tower of Salvation.

Then Zelos, who had randomly disappeared, now reappeared. "Yo, Lloyd, here!"

He threw Aionis to Lloyd. "Refine it with Dwarven skills, and it'll allow even a human to view the Eternal Porn!"

"SWEET!"

"That's right, Lloyd, the Eternal Porn is absolutely necessary in order to reunite the two worlds," said Lord McGregor, randomly appearing. "Without it, the land will, uh... become... boring?"

Raine smacked both Yuan and Zelos, then burned the Eternal Porn at the centre of the tower with Kratos' Flamberge.

Raine earned the title of "Pyromaniac! Oh, Sh-, Did I Say That Out Loud?"

The Flamberge in Raine's hands became the Eternal Sword. She then began to use the sword to draw Calculus equations on the wall.

Origin appeared. "Hey, you need to release my seal before you can use that!"

Raine stuck her tongue out at him. Origin began to cry, and disappeared unto the heavens. He left everyone else with this edict: 'You must wake me, for if I fall asleep, the pyromaniac might take over.' No one actually listened to him, though.

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Location: Derris-Kharlan

Raine, wielding the Eternal Sword, shouted out towards the sky, "Eternal Sword, restore the true form of our two worlds!"

Origin appeared and flipped Raine off, the disappeared once more.

"Hmm, that's funny, I thought I saw Origin come and flip me off."

He reappeared and flipped her off again. "You did, BEEYOTCH!"

"Alright, that's it, I'm getting rid of him," said Raine through gritted teeth. She was obviously pissed off.

He reappeared, and the Eternal was flung into his heart. He died, taking the Eternal Sword to hell with him.

"Damn, now we can't restore the true form of our two worlds!"

"It doesn't matter, now, does it?"

It was... Forcystus! He led the other Desian Grand Cardinals to the centre of the tower. "YMCA" began to play, and Forcystus pulled a mic out of the ground and began to sing along.

_Young Lloyd, there's no need to feel down.  
I said, young Lloyd, pick yourself off the ground.  
I said, young Lloyd, 'cause you're in a new world  
There's no need to be unhappy. _

Young Lloyd, there's a place you can go.  
I said, young Lloyd, when you're short on your Gald.  
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find  
Many ways to have a good time.

It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharlan!  
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharla-an!

They have everything for you men to enjoy,  
You can hang out with all the boys ... (excluding Zelos)

It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharlan!  
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharla-an!

You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal,  
You can do what about you feel ...

Young Lloyd, are you listening to me?  
I said, young Lloyd, what do you want to be?  
I said, young Lloyd, you can make real ideals.  
But you got to know this one thing!

No Lloyd does it all by himself.  
I said, young Lloyd, put your pride on the shelf,  
And just go there, to Derris Kharlan..  
I'm sure they can help you today.

Young Lloyd, I was once in your boots.  
I said, I was down and out with the blues.  
I felt no Lloyd cared if I were alive.  
I felt the whole world was so tight ...

That's when someone came up to me,  
And said, Forcy, take a walk up the street.  
There's a place there called Derris-Kharlan,  
They can start you back on your way.

It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharlan!  
It's fun to stay at Derris-Kharla-an!

They have everything for you men to enjoy,  
You can hang out with all the boys ... (excluding Zelos)

_Derris-Kharlan ... you'll find it at Derris-Kharlan! _

Young Lloyd, young Lloyd, there's no need to feel down.  
Young Lloyd, young Lloyd, get yourself off the ground.

(Fades out)

Forcystus and the "Village People" left from whence they came.

"WHOO! That was great! Come on, people, clap for them! WHOO! THAT WAS AWESOME!" Colette was cheering like a madwoman.

Everyone started to wonder if Maurice hadn't made a mistake in choosing the Dischosen, but soon forgot about everything and ate apple pie that Yuan made.

Then Elvis got up and began to sing "I Can't Help Thinking Colette's A Fluke," a parody of his "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You."

Colette began to cry. "That... was... BEAUTIFUL! I'll remember those BEAUTIFUL words as long as I live!"

Everyone began to wonder again, but more pie arrived, so they forgot about it all again.

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END OF CHAPTER 8

Heheh, you can see, this fic is coming to an end (for those of you who missed it, I practically attempted to cram the game into eight chapters, while adding a disco touch.) So, get ready for the final chapters. Read, review and flame if you must.


	9. And Now We Dance

Tales of Symphonia: Screwing The Plot

Hey, thanks for more great reviews, and some dancing that I might not want to have seen. Here's the next chapter, completely unrelated to the plot (although there was already a lack of one when this started.)

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Chapter 9: And Now We Dance

"Well now, since the worlds will remain as they are thanks to Raine-" Kratos glares daggers at Raine for a few moments. "-and Elvis has beaten Maurice into a long coma, what should we do now?"

Elvis piped up. "What else? WE DANCE!"

Pronyma suddenly reappeared.

"Alright, let's go!"

Desian Rap

_Can you move like Rodyle,_

_The chicken man?_

_He looks like a turtle_

_And moves like one can._

_He's got the Mana Cannon,_

_In his underground lair,_

_He's a sexy beast,_

_And his underwear's got flair!_

Rodyle appears onstage.

_Are you smooth like Kvar,_

_The ladies' man?_

_He talks like a Brit,_

_And charms like one can._

_He kills poor captives_

_In the Asgard ranch._

_He can't open his eyes,_

_But he sure can dance!_

Kvar enters, doing the moonwalk, then does a triple spin and starts to do the rap with them.

_Do you look like Magnius,_

_The ugly one?_

_He's got scars everywhere,_

_And look at how his hair is done!_

_He looks really buff,_

_But has a sad past._

_He got beat up by Colette,_

_And has an ugly diaper rash!_

Magnius comes out crying, but ends up joining the rap.

_Are you cool like Forcy,_

_The gangsta dude?_

_He's got a nice Harley,_

_And lives in da' hood!_

_He's got a nice leather jacket,_

_And a switchblade, too,_

_Ever wonder why his hair is green,_

_It's a natural do!_

Forcystus is walking onstage, all gangster style, and joins the rap.

_Are you hot like Pronyma,_

_The sexy babe?_

_She looks super emo,_

_And got accused of rape!_

_She uses too much make-up,_

_And her hair is screwed,_

_Her clothes are real skimpy_

_And her voice is crude!_

Pronyma beats Forcystus over the head for coming up with such a bad rhyme at the end.

Colette was the only one that cheered.

Kratos coughed. "Now what?"

"I believe I can help," said Yuan.

Yuan and Botta went onstage.

_Stacker, stacker, st-st-st stacker!_

_You take a patty from the grill, and you put it on top,_

_You take another from the grill, and you put it on to-_

Kratos stabs Botta. "Dude, I HATE that song!"

Yuan cried and went... somewhere. Five minutes later, he came back with the manager from the nearest Burger King.

"You... you insulted our Stacker! Prepare to die!"

Kratos smirked. "Whatcha going to do? Spoon-ic Thrust?"

The manager took out his spatula sword and pan shield. "Super Spoon-ic Thrust!"

Kratos sweatdropped. "Whoa, whoa, I was just kidding!"

"Spatula Rain!"

"OWOW! OW!"

"Tiger Butterknife!"

"Well, that wasn't so bad..."

"Rising Pitchfork!"

"WTF? Since when do fast food restaurants have pitchforks?"

"Omega Temperature!"

"Okay, now you're just running out of ideas."

"Eternal Pan-nation!"

"OW!"

"Resolute Toothpick-tion!"

"Geez, your moves suck!"

"Onion Ring Cyclone!"

"WTF?"

"Onion Ring Whirlwind!"

"WTF?"

"Fry Thrust!"

"WTF?"

"Fry Satellite!"

"WTF?"

"Lightning Butterknife!"

"Kay, I'm leaving now..."

"No, wait! I must inflict Finality Pan-ishment upon you!"

"I'm not talking to you..."

Yuan smacked his forehead. "What the hell was I thinking?"

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END OF CHAPTER 9

Yes, that was quite random. Not my best work, so read, review, flame if you must.


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